Unbalanced.

I’ve come to India with an open mind. Having grown up in an Indian family there are many things about the country and the culture that I already knew, but India is so entirely different that only now am I realizing how little that was. The country and the culture, like any, has its successes and failures but curiously Indians seem only to acknowledge one side.
Any one who feels the need to mount a vigorous defense or to loudly sing their own praises only does so because they feel threatened in some way. Unless threatened, no matter how strong or intelligent or rich or powerful you may be, flaunting it is a waste of time. Almost all Indians I’ve met both here and abroad love their country, but here that love takes on a very unusual character.
When George Bush went to war with Saddam Hussein, John Howard said that we had to support America because they are our friend. But if someone is making a mistake, a real friend does not just go along with it; they point it out.
There are a few issues in which most Indians will admit fault. Corruption is a key example. People have such little faith in anything government related here because they just assume that it’s been corrupted; be it hospitals, schools, the bureaucracy, police etc. The population is another pet complaint. But beyond this, a criticism of anything Indian is very easily taken in offence.
It’s very likely that by reading this, my Indian friends will be offended too. But if they are, then they’re in a bit of a jam aren’t they? Because if they admit that they’re offended then they will be proving my very point; that Indians are not sufficiently self critical, and that their views are unbalanced. Muhahaha

A key part of Indian culture is respect for your elders. It is unfortunate that many Australians do not share this value and as a result some elderly people languish unvisited and uncared for in homes across the country. But in India, you find the other extreme. Respect for elders and for authority has created an extremely hierarchical society in which you must call everyone sir or madam. The younger doctors in the hospital where I work are all literally scared of the consultants. If they want to ask a question they do it with so much apology, that every time they do, I’m reminded of Oliver asking “Please sir, may I have some more?” and the consultant replies “MOORRREEE!?!?!?”.

A similar situation exists between children and their parents, where a child will treat their parent’s instructions like the word of god, without question or argument. That’s not to say that the children are unhappy, most feel that their parents know best so it is wise to do as they say. Keep in mind that most parents here will choose their children’s spouses when they are of marrying age.

So? You ask. If both children and parents are happy with the arrangement then what’s the problem? I’ll tell you. This relationship creates an extremely stagnant (Indians would call it stable) social environment. You would be hard pressed to find a culture less open to change and growth. Children do what their parents tell them, and then they get married to who their parents choose, and then instruct their kids the only way they know how, the way their parents taught them.
When talking about arranged marriage, a balanced person would admit that there are many advantages. Some would say that they are more stable and thus, are better for the children. I was part of an interesting conversation yesterday with a girl whose marriage had recently been decided, and her parents. Not long into the conversation however, it became more of a lecture about the faults of western morals and ideals in relation to family values and the far more superior Indian ideals. The high divorce rate was cited as a clear point of evidence, and it was followed by the ridiculous assertion that divorce is just as available to an unhappy Indian spouse as it is to a western spouse. Its disadvantages were glossed over or ignored. Following a tradition blindly and not seeing both its costs and benefits is the very archaic mindset that this country will have to overcome if it wants to improve the standard of living of its people.

Some other unwelcome criticisms that I have are regarding the treatment of women. Tradition and what I consider the extremist social conservative views of many Indians are again to blame. My hospital does a fantastic job of empowering women, but even within it I see sexism. I get my lunch and dinner provided and delivered every day for a minimal fee. Most single people here do the same. When I ask the male married doctors however they say, “Why would I get my meals delivered? I’m married”. It is implied that their wife will cook for them. Many women will not leave the house on their own because they are genuinely scared about what boys will do to them. When confronted about these issues most brush it off. Some have the gall to suggest that thousands of years of tradition have created this culture and so it must be right. Others have the belief that all of these ills are related to the invasion of outsiders and their exploitative ways. Capitalism. OWN YOUR MISTAKES.

India has done so many things in its past to be proud of, but until its people adopt a more balanced view India’s rise will always remain firmly in its future.